As a young teacher, I did not understand parents’ pressure in the evenings. There is dinner to get on the table, activities to get to, and helping with homework. It’s exhausting and I wish I could go back in time and apologize to all the parents of children I assigned big projects to. I have a totally new perspective now that I have two kids and both of them having ADHD only adds a whole new level of difficulty.
Find the right time
This is a struggle for us, because of the inconsistency of my child’s brain. We have tried right after school, right before dinner, right after dinner, and even in the morning. What works best for child #1 is to do homework right after school. He likes to check things off his list. His problem is that he rushes through work, so he knows that he needs to let his work out for either me or my husband to check. We discovered through trial and error that it works better for both of us if I leave him a little Post-it note with things he needs to correct. When I verbally try to talk to him about what he needs to correct, it sets him off. The Post-it helps us keep the peace. He knows that if he wants us to get off his back about homework, he needs to consistently turn in quality work and we are not there yet.
What works best (right now) for child #2 is to work on his online math program while I am making dinner. This way I can hear if he needs help. Then we do homework right after dinner. He needs physical activity before he can settle into homework. While he is doing homework, he is usually standing (and often jumping) while working. We also have a weighted blanket that he can use on his lap if he needs to sit.
The other timing piece that I have found helpful, is to practice what you can in the car. You have captive audience in the car while they are strapped in. For us right now, it is spelling words and math facts. I truly believe that consistency is the key, so I write myself a note and leave it in the car.
Communicate with the teacher
When child #2 was diagnosed, the doctor explained to me that ADHD was inconsistent. She said that there were some days when his tank would be full and he would be able to accomplish a lot after school and other days when it would be empty and he would have nothing left to give me. I think about this often and try to use that as perspective when we are struggling in the evenings.
I made sure to communicate this with his teacher and also how much therapy, tutoring, etc. we were doing outside of school. His teacher this year is very understanding and we are lucky that she gives the whole class weekly homework packets (instead of nightly). As kids get older, homework seems to be less flexible and it will definitely depend year to year how much homework your child has. What is important is to define what needs to be done and make a plan for getting there. If it is still too overwhelming, ask for help. If your child is on a 504 plan or an IEP, he could get an accommodation for a reduced workload, this can include homework. Of course, we want our children to keep pace with their peers, but does it really matter if your child can demonstrate he knows how to do long division in 5 problems rather than 10? Another option may be to get the homework early or to have extra time to complete it. If it is reading, can you get it in an audio version? The solution can only come after you define the problem and to be honest, it may never be perfect. There will be good and bad days and it is part of reality for an ADHD kid that they have to ride that rollercoaster.
Set them up for success
Find a consistent place where your child will do homework every day. Make sure you have it supplied with paper, pencils, and whatever else they may need. For us, it is OT tools, like handwriting spacers and special pencils. Also, make sure that it is away from distractions. The same place every day will help to trigger your child’s brain that it is time to work. If you want to take that idea even further, you could play the same soft music or have the same scent each day to trigger that same idea. Gum can also give children the sensory input that they need in order to focus.
Scaffold
Scaffolding in the education world means to give the child as much support as they need in order to be successful. The goal is to slowly remove that support over time until the child is doing the task independently. If your child has math homework and part of that homework is to explain how an answer was reached, maybe you need to write the answer for your child (the educational term for this is to scribe the answer). The goal of the problem is to extend the child’s mathematical thinking, but if your child struggles with writing, the homework problem morphs into something completely different. Maybe you read the questions aloud to your child. Sometimes, while working on the online math program, I will manipulate the screen while child #2 tells me what to do. It’s all about making the work doable for your child. Keep in mind what the task is trying to teach your child and make decisions that will still get your child that same learning target. You will probably want to talk to your child’s teacher before doing some of these things, like writing on your child’s homework. Explain that you want your child to keep up with his work, you just need to find ways to make homework time peaceful in your household.
Homework. It’s like a four letter word. I have a lot of feelings about whether or not kids should get homework and how much, but that is for a different post. Hang in there mamas! Take little steps to find peace in your home. Happy Thursday!
